Depression and the Holidays

I don’t know if you have been following me for a few years or we just met, but last year was a crazy whirlwind of travel, speaking engagements, meetings and fun…

BUT when it was all over.. I CRASHED….. hard.
I actually haven’t talked about this, except for a few close friends and my husband… but last December, I was suicidal.

IT WAS INTENSE. AWFUL. SAD. FRIGHTENING.

Explaining-Depression

You see, I had just been traveling for 3 months straight, I hosted a workshop with some amazing women, but I had burned the candle at both ends (again) and unbeknownst to me, I was also severely hypothyroid.

All I wanted was to be home and resting.. but I still had a business to run and I felt like I had SO much to catch up on after being away so long!

I couldn’t explain WHY I started to think I sucked the biggest balls in the world and I was worthless… because I loved my life, my husband, all the success… but I FELT LIKE KILLING MYSELF.

I just didn’t think I was making a difference.

I thought I should just quit now because I wasn’t where I wanted to be.

I had a million thoughts racing in my head about hating the holidays and not being worthy and on and on and on!!

Honestly, it got to the point, where I wanted to get away because we own guns and I was afraid of what I could do…but I was equally afraid to go anywhere because all I could think of while driving was to pull the wheel into oncoming traffic.

It was THAT. BAD.

I’m telling you this, not to make you feel sorry for me, or freak you out… but maybe just to raise awareness.
I DID end up getting some help (my sweet hubby just dragged me with him to work for a day or two so I wouldn’t be alone)

Then we took an amazing trip to Belize to focus on others rather than myself.

I got some blood work done, started on new thyroid medication and also some supplements to help my brain stabilize, but one thing I learned was that it is VERY COMMON to have major depressive episodes around the holidays.

When I started to really look back on the years, I realized I sort of had a pattern of mild to severe depression during December for a number of years.

SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU??

Well…. I’m sharing my story because maybe you feel this way too and don’t know why… or maybe you have a friend out there, who suddenly got quiet and you figure she’s just busy, but might be going through the very same thing.

I think it is so important that we scoop each other up this holiday season.
Something about the cold, the family stuff (when maybe you didn’t have the best family growing up) can leave many people lonely, depressed and anxious.

Take a look around and maybe just do a quick check in with some friends; “Hey! How are things going?” … and wait…. and listen…..
You could just save someones life.

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  1. Thank you so much for sharing, I am sure it was not easy. Sadly, I currently have a close family member going through THIS VERY THING! That, with some substance abuse issues, he spiraled out of control and I think we got him in the right place for help (always offered, but this time we court ordered!) and hopefully he has it in him to want to fight back and get back to better days.
    So thank you again for posting this, its never something easy to deal with, and the holidays most definitely make it heavier, deeper !! xoxoxoxoxo

  2. Thank you for posting this heartfelt confessional. I think some of us are called to experience so that we can be a source of strength for others fighting the same battle. You are a beautiful soul and I love your raw honesty. I recently wrote my first blog post for the Eating Disorder Coalition because I felt called to confess my story so that it might help someone else. These things are easy, thank you for sharing. If you are interested in my story it’s here: http://www.edct.net/blog_days.cfm/d/21/m/10/y/2014

  3. I am SO glad to hear you found the answer for your depression – our hormones and biochemistry play such a big role in our mood – both anxiety and depression

    You are very courageous to share this – I say bravo! This is all too common and the more we open up and talk about it the better for others who are in trouble. Thank you for being vulnerable and giving others hope!

    Trudy

  4. Thanks for sharing this! I can relate to the holiday depression, only I was depressed before Christmas. Last year was really hard, I felt like I was going to have an emotional breakdown, and sad to admit, even suicidal thoughts, all because of family stress and dealing with difficult family members. It was really tough getting through the holiday. My doctor put me on medication which has helped. My thyroid screen always comes back clean, but I need to get an in-depth check since thyroid problems run in my family. My husband has been supportive and we made some changes this year regarding family that has helped a ton. It hasn’t completely resolved the problem, but this year is the first year in quite a while that enjoyed Thanksgiving and I’m looking forward to Christmas.

  5. I got here because I was looking for images to use on a similar post.
    And yes, it is common to feel like this around the holidays. I have been feeling this for years now. And now, even under medication, I am still feeling it.
    Thanks for posting this though, I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone.
    Hang in there. I will.

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